It used to be that your only mainstream career options were in governments, churches, and big business. But thanks to the folks at Penn State, now you can add "elite universities" to your
checklist! Come on, don't be afraid of Greek letters, pencil-pushers, and football boosters who care a little too much. You'll get all the protection and cover-ups a criminal could want. What are you waiting
for? Apply to a major university today! [Disgust-fueled sarcasm over]
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